So it’s my last column folks, like many of you I will be walking across that glorious stage in about a week wondering what my next step will be. Unfortunately, writing sex columns isn’t a lucrative industry. As I thought about what I should write for this epic finale, I couldn’t help but go through everything I have written so far. As I was reading, I remembered all of my different feelings I experienced over the year as I dated new boys, listened to random conversations in the union, and googled inappropriate sexual topics.
A big part of me struggled with writing this column because I didn’t want to offend people, and I didn’t want to add to the stereotype that all college students are either thinking about having sex, having sex or they just finished having sex. I don’t think we are all these sex-craved loonies that move from partner to partner, never considering what it means to live according to our beliefs.
I never wanted to participate in the society that has deemed that women must be Victoria’s Secret models in order to be sexy and that men have to have six packs and large junk in order to be good in bed. I never wanted to be a voice in media who took morals and values out of the picture in order to fit into the norm. In fact, I struggled a lot with the fact that some of my columns were “cosmo-esque” and as much as I love Cosmo I don’t really think that everything they tell us is 100 percent valid.
Sex is funny, wild, sensual, exhilarating, quiet, loud, and most of all personal. To advocate for safe sex and combat sexual violence, we have to open the discussion. Without the ability to talk to each other, issues such as these won’t be solved. But is it right to open the discussion on a matter that is so personal? Is it right to talk about other people’s experiences in a public forum? Is it a help or is it just another form of gossip?
My dad actually proved my point the other day. He made some weird, sexual comment toward my mom that I wasn’t supposed to hear, but the volume was up so high on the phone that my mom was talking on that I heard. He then continued to make a joke out of it. Yet, he won’t read the column. I think it’s because first he doesn’t want to hear his daughter say these things, but honestly I think it is because it is easier to joke about sex than it is to actually have a conversation about the reality of sex.
Sex education tells us the basics: A penis goes into the vagina and the sperm is released. Then the sperm swim to the egg and all it takes is 1 sperm to fertilize the egg. I am imagining almost like an Easter egg hunt where the little swimming tadpole-like-creatures are the participants inside the pool of my uterus. Is this the impression we want our children to have after they complete sex education?
This is why I wrote the column, I wrote it because sex is a big deal, whether we realize it now or in two, five, or ten years. Sex comes with implications: Warts, crabs, babies, broken condoms, bliss, less stress, emotional attachments, awkward conversations, inspiring conversations, and a variety of ways to express many different feelings. I heard a story the other day form a guy on campus who had never had sex. He was telling a story about his old neighbor. His neighbor had everything; he was an ex-college basketball player, tall, handsome, and fairly wealthy. One day they were talking about their sexual experiences, and the neighbor started crying. He looked at my friend and said, “I have slept with over 300 girls since I started at 17. I go out every night and I’ll sleep with two to three women a day. I just can’t even look at myself anymore, I wish I was still a virgin. Man, you did it right.”
I’m not advocating for all of us to be virgins. I think we all get the chance to make our own decisions, but I think what I have learned over the past four years is that sex can hurt as much as it can bring pleasure. We might not know the effects of that hurt until we are 35-years-old like my friend’s neighbor.
When we know where our values lie, we are less likely to engage in risky behavior.
Knowing who we are and what we stand for does not make life any easier, but it gives us something bigger than ourselves to live for. The cool part about college is we make a lot of mistakes and we succeed in a lot of our endeavors and through that experience we change.
We learn from every opportunity and hopefully that helps us on our journey to finding out exactly who we are and who we want to become.
