| Written by Noelle Lopez |
| Tuesday, 14 October 2008 08:47 |
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 Got a burning question? Send it to Dr. No at:
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. Feral ‘til age 8 and baptized by fire, Dr. No has been doling out advice and solving problems since 1999. Her areas of expertise include sex, drugs, rock ‘n’ roll, Wesley Snipes movies and outer space, but she can answer pretty much any question.
Q: I have a new-ish friend whose birthday is coming up. I’d like to get him a present. How much should I pay for gift for someone I just met?
A: Apparently nothing, because every time I’ve ever given someone I’ve just met a present, they stop talking to me. One bag of climbing chalk, a pack of Cohibas and a marimba later, I’ve come to realize that people are fickle and that you should not, under any circumstance, buy them things, unless you want to cycle through the whole friendship in fast-forward, missing the part where you make each other laugh so hard you pee and go straight to part where you start calling each other names and then stop calling all together. So, what I would do is hold off on the gift-giving until you get tight enough to know what their farts smell like and maybe just settle, for now, on a ‘hello’ and a punch in the arm for their birthday.
Q: I made some really stupid mistakes and now there is no way my ex will talk to me. I texted him, called him, emailed him and he just doesn't reply. I’ve given him space and I don't bug him too much to get on his nerves. I gave him a week and tried again and there's just nothing I can do to get him to talk to me.
A: As far as I know, this column is called ASK Dr. No, not Complain to Dr. No. Maybe if this was Tuesdays with Whiney or Tuesdays with A Waste of My Time, I could help you, but I don’t think I can. If you would like my help, try throwing in a question mark, or better yet, give me space and don’t bug me too much to get on my nerves.
Q: I always go for girls who have boyfriends and it needs to stop. How can I make this happen?
A: It depends. Are you only attracted to girls who are in relationships, or is it that everyone you’re pining for just happens to be attached? If it’s the former, then I’d say you’re not so much into girls who have boyfriends, as you are unavailability. People always want what they can’t have; that’s why there are so many albums by The Smiths. Pretty much what you’re doing right now is being one of those crazy women who write to felons. That’s right, you’re a prison pen pal. You’re basically Danielle Steel, guy.
What you need to do is grow a pair of big, hairy balls and start living and loving in the real world. Go out there and chat up some fine ladies that aren’t attached. You’ll know which ones they are, because they still wear makeup and show up to the party with their own booze.
However, if your problem is that you always find out later that the girl of your dreams has a boyfriend, then what you really need to do is keep yourself in her heart and mind until her and her boyfriend break up, because they will. They always do, unless they’re a total Wesley and Buttercup.
In the meantime, though, you should still go and chat up as many ladies as possible, because you’re going to be really bored waiting around for your dream girl and her guy to hash it out. Sometimes it can take months or even years for people to realize that the reason they think everything blows is because of their partner, and you don’t want to be sitting around eating Hot Pockets in front your computer when you can be out making hot pockets, if you catch my drift. When it’s finally over, all you need to do is be there, bring a fresh shirt and let the lady cry her salty little tears while you shove a hefty slice of compassion into her mouth. When’s she’s finished, go get her a pie and some whiskey. She’ll be all yours.
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| Last Updated ( Tuesday, 14 October 2008 11:48 ) |
| Written by Caitlin White |
| Thursday, 09 October 2008 15:38 |
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The film “Laramie Inside Out” challenged students, faculty and members of the community to consider how Laramie has changed since the death of Matthew Shepard Tuesday night.
“Laramie Inside Out” is a film that depicts Laramie after the death of Shepard. It follows events such as the trials of the men charged with killing Shepard and how the campus and community was effected. Citizens highlighted in the film said they knew things of this nature happened but didn’t realize they could happen in Laramie.
Beverly Seckinger, director of the film, said, “It cut right through the heart of my hometown.”
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| Written by Noelle Lopez |
| Monday, 06 October 2008 21:53 |
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 Q: I hate being confrontational, and I REALLY hate being the bearer of bad news. How can I tell a friend that there’s something wrong with them, like if they have something stuck in their teeth?
A: I wouldn’t. Usually I just let stuff like that go and hope that if I keep talking to them they’ll make enough spit and it’ll just wash away. I don’t really feel that bad about it, because that’s just not my role in the friendship. My job is to keep things light and fun, make a few jokes and have really bad/dangerous/humiliating ideas. If I were you, I’d let someone else do the dirty work for you. That’s why you should always make sure that you’re hanging out with someone that’s a better friend than you are. That way, they can tell them that stuff, absorb all the negative feelings and you can still be Mr. Good Vibes. To me, it’s more important to be the diffuser afterwards and make them feel less embarrassed about it and be all like, “Oh, I didn’t even notice. It must not have been that bad.” That’s how you keep friendships alive.
Q: Does this look infected to you?
A: Of course it’s infected. It’s always infected. Anytime anyone in the history of the whole world has ever asked that question, the answer has always been yes. Yes, it’s infected.
Q: My lease is almost up, and I really want to move in with my boyfriend of three months. He says he’s OK with it, and we’ll both be saving a lot of money. Do you think this is a good idea?
A: No. This is a lousy idea, unless you hate fun and secrets and your independence, because if you do hate FUN and SECRETS and your INDEPENDENCE, then you should totally go for it, because you can be sure that you will never have to worry about those things ever again.
I know that you think that it’ll be all fun because it’ll be like you’re “pretend married,” only not. But I have a question for you: Have you looked at any married people, lately? Do they look like they’re having a good time? No, they don’t. That’s because they moved in with their boyfriends of three months too. Now they have to listen to each other pee and watch “Law & Order: SVU” in their sweatpants while all of their friends are out having fun and making memories.
Remember when you were 11 and thought that it would be really cool to have braces, and then you turned 12 and got them and you realized how much braces really blew, because you couldn’t chew gum and your lips kept getting stuck in the wire and bleeding?
Moving in with someone is the same thing; you’re going to think it’ll be all awesome, like a sweet slumber party where you have non-stop heart-to-hearts and meatloaf dinners, but once you do it, you realize that what you really get is trimmed pubes in your toilet and the hard drive of your computer filled with eight gigabytes of downloads that you can’t show your mom. So, listen, if you need money that badly, just look up last week’s column where I talk about selling your body fluids. You can thank me later.
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| Last Updated ( Tuesday, 14 October 2008 14:07 ) |
| Written by Samantha Getz |
| Thursday, 02 October 2008 21:56 |
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Accomplished poet B.H. Fairchild will read at 7 p.m. on Oct. 4 at Second Story Books located at 105 Ivinson. A book signing and a chance to speak to the author will follow.
Laramie residents will get a sneak peak of Fairchild’s newest work, as most of the material read on Saturday will come from his newest project titled “Usher” to be released in 2009.
“His poetry is remarkable in that it is very emotional and smart, but also accessible,” Kate Northrop, associate professor of poetry, said.
Northrop, who has attended his previous readings, said the reading would be an opportunity that is not always available to Wyoming resident. She said that his poetry is beneficial to everyone because “it reminds us of how big and complex the world is.”
Fairchild said that most of his earlier pieces are derived from the experiences he had in machine shops as a kid and has since shifted into other life experiences. Some of the ideas in “Usher” come from problems with philosophy, mortal life and the ghost town phenomenon in the Midwest. In addition, his poems envelop the ideas of family.
Since Fairchild comes from a small town himself, he said that the “poems I have to read probably go better in Wyoming than they would in New York City.”
Fairchild’s poetry has made him a finalist for the National Book Award and garnered him placement in “The Best American Poems of 2000” for his previous books in addition to many other awards, according to a news release.
His third book was said to have been “the most distinguished book of poems published in the previous two years” by the Library of Congress.
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