More Answers Than the Bible

Written by Sasha Fahrenkopf

Wednesday, 25 February 2009 17:40

Last week, I received multiple comments on my article. Before I get to the advice, I would just like to take a second of your time to apologize. I had no idea that the picture that was placed next to my column was such a horrible misrepresentation of myself. Hopefully, my new picture will look more like myself and less like a pirate on crack.

If you bring someone home on accident, how do you get them to leave?

Easy— throw up on them. About 99 percent of the time, people lose all interest in sex when covered in the night’s shots and tacos. I have used this technique many times and only rarely do I have that one guy that is in it for the conquest, regardless of how your mouth might taste. In this case, there are two options: tell them about your herpes or tell them that you are involved with Greek life; both are immediate turn offs for any intelligent person.

Is it ever appropriate to spank another person’s child?

I don’t advocate child abuse, but I strongly support disciplining children. Spanking other people’s children will most likely lead to imprisonment of some kind, but as long as you have the money to bail yourself out, make your point. We all need to stand up for something, and I say stand up for your rights to eat without children screaming, to walk through a store and not be surrounded by running imps, to stop kids from being annoying. Even the Bible says children need a little smack now and again: “He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is careful to discipline him” (Proverbs 13:24).

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