More Answers Than the Bible

Written by Sasha Farenkopf

Wednesday, 18 February 2009 18:45

My landlord says if I look in my neighbor’s windows one more time that he’ll kick me out. How can I get around this?

As an avid creeper, I’ve run into this problem myself and understand how difficult it can be to get a landlord to see the harmlessness in watching. Next time you pay rent, include a little note explaining that you aren’t meaning any harm, you’re just looking for some companionship. Explain how the people you are watching are the closest things you had to friends since Walmart stopped allowing you to sit in the toy aisle and savor. And if he continues to threaten to kick you out, remind him how bad the economy is and how finding a new tenant will be almost impossible, especially since you peed in all the corners of your apartment.

If you run into a guy that you’ve known for a long time, how do you tell him that he is using too much styling gel? He looks like Alfalfa.

I’ve never been a fan of subtly, and when someone looks like they have a picture of Ryan Cabrera in the corner of their mirror as a model for hair style, I say belittle him. I don’t mean hassle him with witty comments like “the 80s called and said you used all of the two Coreys’ hair gel,” I mean berate them non-stop with blatant comments like, “You look like Clay Aiken,” or “Go wash your hair unless you want to end this friendship.” Bring it up every time you see him; reiterate every week at least how horrible his hair looks, because if this guy thinks he should be using more than a small dab of product, he’s probably a member of a fraternity and needs things explained to him more than once to get the point.

Email the This e-mail address is being protected from spambots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it

Add this page to your favorite Social Bookmarking websites